i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
