You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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