My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
