Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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