I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
