2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
