And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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