Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
