sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
