On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
