Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
