Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
