He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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