i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
