i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
