i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
