he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
