Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
