mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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