Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
