i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
