I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
