Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
