Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
