1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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