And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
