Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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