he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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