some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
