then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
