my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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