I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
