I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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