We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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