did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
