The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
