What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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