Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
