sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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