I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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