i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
