I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
