I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
