Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
