I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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