You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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