I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Enjoy the penises
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
