It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
