11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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