I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
